I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
a search helicopter?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
