Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
