And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
