got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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