Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
