I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
