I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
