I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
