We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
