I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
