My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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