Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I AM VODKA MAN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
