So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
