im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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