hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
