this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
