hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We don't watch enough power rangers
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
