matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
