ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
