I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
