I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
