seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
