how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
