I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
