How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
