Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
