dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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