Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
