You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love you. Go after that dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
