are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
