all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
