he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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