is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My dick has a subreddit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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