Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
