If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
