I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
