How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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