dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
