I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
