i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
