I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
