i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
