There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
