he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
