She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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