I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
