i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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