I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
