I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
