is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
